Ties Tightly Binding

I’m sure it’s incredibly cruel and selfish and a host of other things, but… it’s gotten to the point where I really don’t like hanging out with my family. At least, not all the time. Rather, I’ve been hanging out with my family and nobody else for my entire life. Whenever I go to movies or to the mall, it’s with family. Whenever I go clubbing, it’s with family. Whenever I text someone or add someone on social media, 9 times out of 10 it’s family.

And I’m sick of it. I do love my family, but I know for a fact that I’m at the age where it’d be better for our relationship if I wasn’t with them all the time. This is one of the main reasons I want so badly to move out; I need to start my own life. After 20 years of never doing anything without close adult supervision, I desperately need to start doing things on my own, or at least with people my age. I remember actually getting nervous during my first month at college because we had gone to a restaurant without adult supervision. This is crippling me.

And it seems that for all their encouragement that I grow up, my parents are content to keep me that way. The reason I’m writing this is because Dad came up with the brilliant idea to do a group cosplay next year with me and my siblings. And him and Grandma. Dad seems to come up with lots of ‘brilliant’ ideas like this. Like the clubbing thing I mentioned earlier, that I went to with my parents. Or the hookah bar, that I went to with my parents. While I am happy to spend time with him, I’m painfully aware that being in primarily adult spaces with him makes me look that much more like a child.

But they don’t care. Whenever I hint at it, they sort of just laugh it off. My parents have already made it very clear that they don’t care what people think. And that’s great for them, but I do care. I appreciate that they’re trying to share my interests and help me explore new things, but… Look, realistically, that should’ve been done when I was 16 and it wasn’t. It’s too late for that now. If I’m going to explore new things, I need to do it without them. I can’t spend my entire life relying on them for every little thing.

I know from experience that if I mention it seriously, it’ll just hurt their feelings. Especially my dad. My dad is insistent that we ‘won’t be like other parent-child relationships’- you know, the one where the teen hides everything from her dad and the dad distrusts and spies on his daughter. And while for the most part I’m glad for trust and openness, this relationship involves no secrets, no filter, no privacy whatsoever. Or it would’ve, if I hadn’t talked him down a little- and considering how melodramatic he got from that, I’m extremely hesitant to try again.

I’m not bothering to google anything like ‘how to get family to leave you alone’ because I’m sure it’ll all say the same thing. “You may feel like this now, but one day when you’re older, you’ll be grateful for your family and miss them uwu” I’M ALREADY GRATEFUL FOR MY FAMILY. At least, the ones that didn’t fuck me up beyond repair. I just want some space from them. Is that so much to ask?

But yet again. I suppose it doesn’t help that I have no one else to hang out with.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s