I’ve been awake since 8am. I’ve been in a car for 7 hours total today. I’ve been entertaining my siblings for 5 hours. I was near exhausted on the ride home.

And now, that I’m at home and in my bed, I can’t sleep?

This isn’t a new thing by far. Some nights it can reach 2am and I’m genuinely just not sleepy at all. Most of the times it happens when I have something important to do in the morning, like an exam (when I was online schooled) or a doctor’s visit. It’s not that I’m nervous or anything- at least, I don’t think so. Maybe my body knows I’m nervous but my brain doesn’t somehow. During those times I typically just stay up the whole night, do the thing while jittery as hell, then go straight home and sleep.

Other times… I don’t know. Sleep just doesn’t come to me for some reason. I’m never fully sure why, it just… happens. Thankfully those are (usually) on days when I don’t have anything important to do, so I just devote the following day to resetting my body clock. Force myself to stay up all night and day, then go to bed at maybe 9pm. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I bypass sleepiness and go right back to being wired, and I have to spend ANOTHER day trying to reset myself. Usually once it’s gotten past two days I just give up and sleep whenever I crash, which unfortunately is around 2pm.

Recently my lack of sleepiness does make sense. I’ve had nothing to do with my life, so I wouldn’t have expended enough energy to be tired. But like I just said, I’ve been up and active all day today. I was even falling asleep on the drive home. So why now..?

I guess… it could be because of what I started planning on said drive home. That might have excited me. That, and the fact that I was looking up a ton of Nightvale just before trying to sleep, so that also stimulated my brain.

I’m not in the mood to reset myself, and I don’t want to stay up until 4 either. Maybe subconsciously that’s why I decided to write- because I know this is something that will wind me down. I’ve started yawning, so hopefully I’m wound down enough.

Let’s try this again.


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